So the world is going to end tomorrow.

By Kristen | Published May 20, 2011

What did you do with your life? Who did you impact in your own short period of time?

What I BELIEVE is going to happen Saturday at 6:01 AM is that people are going to realize the fact the Mayans and news and other propaganda lied to us and we actually need to keep on living life the way we were planning on living it. SNAP!

What I saw on the MBTA this evening were a bunch of mis-matched couples who made sex bets in the event that tomorrow was the “end of the world” and that they needed to do it with the closest thing that could maybe get them off. Ew. Who the fuck do you think you are? Is sex reallllly the biggest and best thing that you want to do with your life in the event that it’s done in less than 24 hours?

HOPEFULLY, If that’s the opposite of true, here’s MY list of the things I’d (realistically) do if I had a couple of short hours to live instead of TENS OF YEARS as is the true reality…

1. get some realllly good nudes taken. Because, really? I’m probably only this hot for a little more time and if there was ever a race of humanoids to rise again, they’d probably want to dig up my DNA and clone me to exist again because I have to admit.. I’m pretty hot naked and could potentially be super awesome to mate with. duh.
2. pay off all the bills effecting my credit. I want to have an 800+ credit score when its like down to me and a few hundred other zombies.. I totally want first dibs on the Newport mansions. Wish I could bet that I’d be able to fly overseas and purchase a REALLY old piece of land but at that point, I’d be lucky to survive fighting the undead off for more than one day traveling.
3. stockpile glass-bottled water and rations (at the mansion), because when people can’t repopulate because of cancer “down there” from plastic irradiated foods, I gots a cave full of rations to feed my undead friends, family (and hot suitors) for generations if we get that far after the zombies (have you seen the dates on chick peas, spam and corn??? we could technically live off that shit for CENTURIES!!)..
4. get a german shepherd sidekick like Will Smith (sorry lil and stiffler)
5. shower, brush my teeth, do my hair and nails (hope that doesn’t count as 4)
6. taunt some cops with my vape b/c they don’t know any better
7. use at least 2 unused groupons.. because it’s totally a waste if you don’t get your hair did or have some sushi for 1/2 price before facing armageddon.
8. call mom and dad. and grandpa… because seriously I’ll probably still do that tomorrow regardless… which leads me to my next #..
9. invest in Verizon, ATT or Sprint. Who doesn’t have unlimited minutes at this point? if you don’t.. I’ll probably make a shit ton of $ off of you from investing in the fact that you’re paying like .45 each minute for overages. there are going to be a hellova lot of people calling their loved ones (and high end business clients) during non-peak hours Friday to tell them how much they love them so I’m thinking this is my best $ making call. (if someone actually does this, you’re totally in debt to me. You can wire 10% of what you make to my PayPal account, TYVM.)
10. let someone else come down with my #10.. best comment wins! (depending on $ spent) *will not shave my head or hurt myself. I bruise easily.

FYI: The world ends when we do. When you die; the world ends. For you. There’s no re-do. You need to figure it out now. And if you can’t figure that out now or during this lifetime.. then why do anything influential? Why even try?

BUT SINCE we’re going to survive–then fucking rock it. Rock it hard. Don’t live like a rockstar.. that’s just nasty. Live like you’re going to try and make a difference. In your child’s life. In society. Your call. Just make sure you do something now that will make a lasting impact. Save up to buy that Newport Mansion! Or at least do something to make your life historical. What else do you have?

I mean, listen. It’s not like I’m going to clean my house Friday. BUT! I am going to shower, shave, do my hair, SUCK IT UP and WORK like I’d normally do on ANY Friday. Like you’re sprinting to home plate or the end of the work week. I may drink like a fish too when I’m done though so let me know what’s good… Tasty?

One more thing for Friday: Hug or kiss your loved ones or call the people that mean the most to you even though it’s cliché’d. Technically you’re still cool if you do it. It’s not like un-hipster to do that stuff so get on it. AND I might be investing in you and making a few bucks. So that’s probably not so bad either.

Because life’s too fragile. Just fucking do it properly. And respectfully. And impactfully. (I make up words too..)

See you @ Guetta Saturday night?